I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize