My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
