He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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