WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
