This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
