How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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