We won't sleep together?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A+ Viking dick
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