Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
