Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
