dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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