Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize