I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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