How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
