Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to sanitize my soul.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
