I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
