Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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