Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
