chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
