Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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