She said her name was "party"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just pee around me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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