glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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