I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
