I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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