He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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