If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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