i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
