ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
