If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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