I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
