I must be too annoying 4 u.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
