Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
