I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
