I wish I could teleport
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
