plz talk dirty to me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My vagina is very pro this idea
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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