Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
