I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
