Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I could fuck to npr.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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