I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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