make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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