I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
