I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize