I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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