My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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