dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
