I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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