you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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