We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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