Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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