dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
