Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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