I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
