we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
