somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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