Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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