honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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