1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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