have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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