I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
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