I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Vodka?
Forever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
