atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
