I want to make a zoo with you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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