You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
