it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
