new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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