was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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