This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
