This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
