I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
sex in a hospital.. check
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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