woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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