college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
