Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
