definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
