I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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