so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What a fucking waste of an outfit
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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