if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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