Sponge bath it is.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
then he tried to convert me to islam
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
