You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
