my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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