You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
