mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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