PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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