it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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