If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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