I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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