I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
