he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
