I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
