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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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