I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
