why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
