It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
